I don't know what to do

Well, I had my follow up appointment today with my Dr. after my surgery for endometriosis.

It was not what I was expecting at all. I don't know if I had expectations, but these were not it, if I did. I am scared, frustrated and just plain pissed.

I feel like my body has failed me. I didn't do anything bad to it (my body) to deserve this. Okay well maybe I was not so nice to it from all the drinking in college (or maybe high school too, mom you didn't read that, but I don't think that I deserve this.

My Dr. wants me to get a shot called Lupron. It sounds HORRIBLE. Like really really horrible. Menopause side effects, expensive, and other crappy things too (but those 2 sound crappy enough to me). I don't want to go through that at 24 years old. I don't need that right now. I want to be normal. I want to feel normal. I don't want to have to wait until I am in so much pain again I can't handle it. I don't want to think that we decide we want kids in 4 years and then not be able to. I don't know what I want

But I know what I don't want. I DON'T want to feel this way.

To top things off, my body is rejecting the stitches from my surgery, so I have to take antibiotics to make that better.

I know that this is a lot of ranting, but this just plain sucks. I don't really have better terms for anything other than that. I don't have a decision, Dru and I need to talk and decide and I need to cry, and maybe drink a glass (or bottle) of wine.

I need to not be working right now.

I sure as hell don't know what I want, but I am pretty damn positive that this isn't it!

1 comment:

  1. I think that this is exactly what you should be doing. Venting and feeling and thinking and loving yourself. Of course you don't deserve this, no one does. Take time to love yourself and hopefully talking to your sweetie will help. I hope you are able to figure out what you want to do. Good luck!