Well, I had my follow up appointment today with my Dr. after my surgery for endometriosis.
It was not what I was expecting at all. I don't know if I had expectations, but these were not it, if I did. I am scared, frustrated and just plain pissed.
I feel like my body has failed me. I didn't do anything bad to it (my body) to deserve this. Okay well maybe I was not so nice to it from all the drinking in college (or maybe high school too, mom you didn't read that, but I don't think that I deserve this.
My Dr. wants me to get a shot called Lupron. It sounds HORRIBLE. Like really really horrible. Menopause side effects, expensive, and other crappy things too (but those 2 sound crappy enough to me). I don't want to go through that at 24 years old. I don't need that right now. I want to be normal. I want to feel normal. I don't want to have to wait until I am in so much pain again I can't handle it. I don't want to think that we decide we want kids in 4 years and then not be able to. I don't know what I want
But I know what I don't want. I DON'T want to feel this way.
To top things off, my body is rejecting the stitches from my surgery, so I have to take antibiotics to make that better.
I know that this is a lot of ranting, but this just plain sucks. I don't really have better terms for anything other than that. I don't have a decision, Dru and I need to talk and decide and I need to cry, and maybe drink a glass (or bottle) of wine.
I need to not be working right now.
I sure as hell don't know what I want, but I am pretty damn positive that this isn't it!