Feelings

Blogging about feelings seems like such a crock of shit. Does not everyone have feelings? Don't most people want to scream them loud, hide them away, and do anything other than express them?

I am expressing my feelings. Be forewarned. This is Erin uncensored. I don't give an F about anything right now. Just me and my feelings.

I feel like shit inside. I feel that something it wrapping itself around my lady parts on the side and twisting them to the point that I can't take it anymore. It feels like I am being stabbed over and over. And raidiates throughout the lower part of my body. This has not stopped since Sunday.

I'm pissed. This was not supposed to happen this way. It was supposed to be gone after that last surgery. and it is not. It is back with a mission in mind to kill my spirit.

I am alone. Alone in the retrospect that it is just me and the cats until monday. It feels weird. Yet somewhat relaxing. I like to have my own space sometimes. Space, can be so confining, or freeing or whatever you let it be. But I don't think that I am a woman who does well with freeness for an unlimited amount of time.

I have a lot of thoughts about Dru being home without me. I think that I might have had the wrong answer when he asked if I was to have the chance to go home.........

As it is. My BFF Kristen, is meeting me in Vegas tomorrow for the night. She is driving back to her home town. Vegas is half way, I have a work conference and it worked out good. Really good. I could not be more excited to catch up with her. It has been  since sept that we saw eachother last. Way too long.

Well I mentioned to Dru that I wanted to ride home to Dville with her. It would be fun to spend a weekend in CA. this was just speculation, not actually going to happen. I have to be back here for things Saturday anyway. But Dru got mad I wouldn't want to go home.

Home. What is that word? Home for me is here in small town minnesota. There is no family whatsoever but there is our home. The house we own, us, our family (kitties, and eachother) this is home for me for now and ever. I don't think of us anywhere else.
Family means a lot to me. And family is always invited to visit us here "at home" but for now, I don't want to go back to there.

Sorry for the rambling. I just feel like youngin's like us get influenced a lot by our parents into what we should think of as home. and I wanted to put mine out there. It is not disrespectful to anyone in anyways but this is me. Small town happy minnesota me.
Welcome to my world.