When I was a little girl I used to embrace the scars that I had. They showed that I was fearless. They represented a fun time, or an adventure that I went on.
More and more I am bothered by my new scars. I look in the mirror when I get out of the shower and am automatically drawn to the one under my bellybutton from my appendectomy. Then the 3 on my lower abdomen bother me. A lot! These scars don't show fearlessness, they show fear. They are a constant reminder along with the everyday pain that I am a little broken.
Last night I was talking with a friend about everything that has happened. And she put it into perspective for me. And in a way that I was surprised yet slightly comforted.
What if all of the things that happened this year, happened when I was in college. Would I be in the same place that I am now? What would I have missed out on.
I honestly don't think that I would have been strong enough to deal with all of this a few years ago. I wasn't in the right place. I would have had to have missed out on events, friends and the time of my life. I probably would not have been able to do many of the things we did with a constant feeling of pain.
So for that I am grateful. There is a positive-that this happened now instead of then. I wish it never happened, but I don't get that option.