Today I was asked if I "needed friends"...By someone who I met in the early summer and I really like (Laura-I am not sure if you read my blog, and please don't take offense, this is just how I get things off my chest)
Now I am not going to lie, but this hurt my feelings. I don't think that she meant it in a bad way. I think that she was actually kind of worried about me. I have not been feeling well at all lately. I don't hide it as good as I used to, and I look like shit. I have been losing weight not because I am working out, but because I am not really hungry. I am in constant pain, and sometimes I just lose it. I probably wear this pain on my sleeve and people can see it.
I admit that I am not as motivated to do things as I was before this disease took a hold of my life. It is hard to be all happy when you really just feel like shit. And are tired of feeling like shit.
I am also a little tired of people asking me if I have looked into "this...or that..." Now granted I know that they are trying to be helpful, but yes I am working with my Dr. for a solution, we do have a plan. But this plan also involves a lot of waiting. And while waiting-I am in pain. Simple as that. Or maybe not.
But asking me if I needed friends was a little off putting to me...It is hard for me to make plans when I don't know how I am going to feel that day. If I am going to be so wore out from working all day and not feel like getting off the couch. I wish that I had the energy to just let it go, and make an effort. But some days I just don't.
I would love to have more friends, who wouldn't? And after just moving here a year ago and working from home it is not as easy to meet people as I would like. And it is even harder when you have to put on a big front and not be all sad and my life sucks sob story when meeting new people. Because nothing is as off putting as someone with issues, am I right?
So that is my rant for the day. I am fine-I promise. Mom don't freak out. I am not depressed or anything, I am fine. I am working on a solution and have goals in mind. I just wish that Endo would have never happened to me or to anyone else for that matter. Because it just plain sucks.
I know that I can't make people understand, and most people don't. I am happy that most people don't understand, because the ones that do also deal with the horrible pain and side effects that endo has to offer. So please don't take this as a pity party. I just needed to get this off my chest.
And at that, I will leave you with some more pictures of my fabulous Anniversary weekend :)
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| Catching Fish-I'm sure of it...Or just an attempt to show off my behind? |
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| This is my sexy husband, NOT catching fish like I did :) |
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| Beautiful Lake |
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