Just Another Day In The Life

Mom/Family feel free to skip this post. It’s a little TMI! Happy Holidays!

This isn’t exactly my story to tell but Dru has given me permission. It isn’t a secret that we have been trying to have kids for a while. Well one of the steps that our new Dr. makes us take is Dru had to have a semen analysis. Yes, sounds like fun right…I have to say it is probably MUCH more pleasant than what I have had to go through, but today was the big day.

The place where you have to go to do the deed only takes appts on Tuesday or Thursday and you have to go between 7am and 9am. Do people not work? I’m pretty sure that you can’t take the morning off to masturbate? Or maybe you can? But I sure as hell wouldn’t put that on a time off request. This was the first Tuesday morning that Dru had off of work in a long time, so we scheduled his appt. for 8:30am this morning. And when I say “we” I mean that I scheduled the appt because I am a nice wife like that, but I had no plans of going with him.

He got up at 7am on his day off to make the drive to Edina. Traffic’s a bitch that time of morning so he had to leave pretty early. Well the idiot forgot his wallet at home. While I was sitting in the chair enjoying my morning coffee and browsing the internet for cute new hairstyles I received a call that he needed his wallet. Not part of my plan for the morning, but I’m assuming that they probably check id or something when you come into leave your sample. At least I hope that they would?

I had to drive to meet him with his wallet. And being the nice wife that I am I offered to go with him to the appt. Since I was already out of the house I figured that he might want me there for moral support? Or assistance. Ummm or not! I was told “Hell no” “that would just be weird”. Fine, whatever. I was perfectly fine going home to work.

Of course I couldn’t wait to ask him how it went. I am curious like that. And just in case you or your loved one has to go through this I thought that I would share the experience in detail. My thoughts are in parenthesis just for fun!

Once you walk in there is a blonde receptionist with very large breasts sitting at the desk. No one else was there (I guess you probably wouldn’t want to chat up the other men sitting to wait to masturbate). She asked if his name was Dru and directed him to the room. There was a tv, video’s and some reading material. (I would be curious how often they replaced this material, it kind of ick’s me out). She takes you in the room (no she didn’t stay or assist) and says once you finish to put it in the box on the wall. Of course Dru had to ask what you do once you are done. Do you have to check out? What’s the procedure? (I would probably have asked the same thing. I wouldn’t want to be wandering around wondering what to do) Her response was that you can get the hell out of there as quickly as you would like

Sounds like a walk in the park compared to the surgeries/other tests I have had to had done. And want to know what he texted me when he was done? "What time does Taco Bell open" Only Dru!

So that’s how a trip to the semen analysis place works. Should I be offended if he didn’t want me to “help”???

Mom if you read this you don’t have to answer this question. Sorry for the TMI but I’m pretty sure that we all know where babies come from and sex is one of the important steps to the process…


  1. Ok since you already gave TMI, I'm gonna add......Jeff had my assistance for his analysis AND his Mom took it once we were done, took it to work and had it tested! LOL

  2. I am seriously sitting at home laughing about this!! I knew it was going to be good once I read the word masturbate.... Hopefully I won't blush around Dru next time I see him.

    Your sister-wife Shelly

  3. I think I got you beat on this one, Erin! When RJ had to give a sample, we were allowed to retrieve it at home (mind you this was 20+ years ago). RJ came home on his lunch hour, went into the bathroom (alone) to do the deed. Like Dru, he didn't want my help. After a short time, I heard him calling for me which I could tell from his voice, things weren't quite right. Well, he only managed to get a small amount into the speciman container (I will spare the rest of the details) and was sure there wouldn't be enough to test. Back to work he goes, and I hit the road like a mad woman to get the "million dollar sample" to the lab. I secretly tuck it into my underwear to keep it warm and off to Portland I go. Needless, to say I wasn't concerned with my speed until I saw the blue lights behind me. Shit, was all I could say. After, much embarrassment I explained to the officer why I was speeding and I think he could feel my pain and kindly told me "slow down and drive safe....oh and good luck with that". I safely delivered the goods to the lab and then the dreaded wait. Of course, RJ's biggest fear is that he would be the infertile one and god forbid that messes with the manhood. Sperm sample results show that he has the ability to father children and the infertile one is me. Fast forward 3 years of fertility treatments and triplets were born and 17 months later Madison with no assistance from doctors. Just a "good ol romp in the hay". Erin, I think about you often and hope to hear the words "I'm pregnant" soon.
    Love ya,

  4. I had to do this after I had the snip and clip. Its a awesome thing for a man to give his samples to be tested. I need a guest post from Dru on this. NOW

  5. Mom read it! All is good love ya both lots.You are so lucky to have such good friends so close.love ya lots!!!!