What is Love

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about love and what it means to me. I’ll admit that I had been in a pretty dark place lately, and I am not always the happiest person to be around. The amount of love and support that has been shown to me in this time of need keeps me grounded and makes the tears less painful.

Love is your husband always telling you that it is going to be okay, even when I’m sure that his heart is also breaking whether it is for me, or for our situation.

Love is him being patient with me and keeping me grounded when I am wanting things to happen now.

Love is a hug or a kiss, or tears being brushed off my face when I am sad, or lonely or scared.

Love is friends that will drop whatever they are doing to meet you somewhere and drop whatever they have going on to come over and sit with you just because you need someone to be there even when you don’t want to admit it.

Love is being able to be completely honest about how you feel to friends even when it isn’t nice thoughts and for them to know how you feel because they have been there before. That the hate and sadness will subside and things will get better but there is no timeframe. It is okay to feel the way that you feel and they don’t love you any less because of it. They will even commiserate with you and laugh and or cry if necessary.

Love is friendships that have survived the test of time and new ones that feel like you have known someone for eternity when in reality it has only been 1.5 years that you have known each other.

Love is loving someone else’s child and her showing the love back and enjoying spending time with you as well. Even though you aren’t a cool friend her age. Kids just know these things, and sometimes we need their love more than they will ever know. It may sound small, but the homemade Christmas drawing that LilliJo gave me that hangs on my fridge gives me hope and happiness.

Love is waking up everyone morning to talk to my friend, even if she is already showered and going out to work hard, and her not judging me for “just waking up”. Part of me speculates that she is calling just to make sure that I am okay, but just hearing her voice in the mornings makes me feel better.

Love is spending time with just your husband over the holidays and being so content and happy knowing that it is just you two. Waking up late, and snuggling in a bed of baby kitties who adore their daddy more than mommy.

Love it hard, but if it wasn’t –where would we be now? If everything was easy and just handed over? 

I Have a History of Flashing

I'm pretty sure that I have shared my love of getting mail with you all at least once or twice. It's one of my favorite times of the day. But of course, our mail carrier is a little unpredictable in when they show up and it is almost always never the same person.

We used to have a pretty sexy mailman actually. But I haven't seen him in a while, so I think that he quit and is now pursuing his other passion of being a fishing guide. How I know so much about our mail carriers is beyond me, but let's just say that I am the neighborhood stalker. Nothing goes on in this neighborhood without me knowing. Except for that one time that I got locked out of the house and no one called to report me breaking into my own house. Whatever neighbors! We will see what happens when I see YOUR house getting robbed.

Anyways, I'm on this new kick that involves working out, showering and trying my hardest to look sexy (I would say pretty, but that is just a natural occurrence even when i wear sweatpants j/k) so I had taken a shower and was getting ready to do my hair. If you are like me, you probably don't wear pants when doing your hair. Come on, it's okay to admit it. I was dressed from the waist up and I had under ware on but they don't cover my whole behind if you get what I mean when I heard the sound of mail being put in the box that is attached to my house.

I was so excited that I figured that I would just open the door and conspicuously grab the mail, without pants on. Much to my surprise, the mailman was still standing by my door sorting through his mail and probably got much more than he was expecting on his mail route. This isn't the first time that I have accidentally flashed members of our community, there was that one time with the mormons...

Just Another Day In The Life

Mom/Family feel free to skip this post. It’s a little TMI! Happy Holidays!

This isn’t exactly my story to tell but Dru has given me permission. It isn’t a secret that we have been trying to have kids for a while. Well one of the steps that our new Dr. makes us take is Dru had to have a semen analysis. Yes, sounds like fun right…I have to say it is probably MUCH more pleasant than what I have had to go through, but today was the big day.

The place where you have to go to do the deed only takes appts on Tuesday or Thursday and you have to go between 7am and 9am. Do people not work? I’m pretty sure that you can’t take the morning off to masturbate? Or maybe you can? But I sure as hell wouldn’t put that on a time off request. This was the first Tuesday morning that Dru had off of work in a long time, so we scheduled his appt. for 8:30am this morning. And when I say “we” I mean that I scheduled the appt because I am a nice wife like that, but I had no plans of going with him.

He got up at 7am on his day off to make the drive to Edina. Traffic’s a bitch that time of morning so he had to leave pretty early. Well the idiot forgot his wallet at home. While I was sitting in the chair enjoying my morning coffee and browsing the internet for cute new hairstyles I received a call that he needed his wallet. Not part of my plan for the morning, but I’m assuming that they probably check id or something when you come into leave your sample. At least I hope that they would?

I had to drive to meet him with his wallet. And being the nice wife that I am I offered to go with him to the appt. Since I was already out of the house I figured that he might want me there for moral support? Or assistance. Ummm or not! I was told “Hell no” “that would just be weird”. Fine, whatever. I was perfectly fine going home to work.

Of course I couldn’t wait to ask him how it went. I am curious like that. And just in case you or your loved one has to go through this I thought that I would share the experience in detail. My thoughts are in parenthesis just for fun!

Once you walk in there is a blonde receptionist with very large breasts sitting at the desk. No one else was there (I guess you probably wouldn’t want to chat up the other men sitting to wait to masturbate). She asked if his name was Dru and directed him to the room. There was a tv, video’s and some reading material. (I would be curious how often they replaced this material, it kind of ick’s me out). She takes you in the room (no she didn’t stay or assist) and says once you finish to put it in the box on the wall. Of course Dru had to ask what you do once you are done. Do you have to check out? What’s the procedure? (I would probably have asked the same thing. I wouldn’t want to be wandering around wondering what to do) Her response was that you can get the hell out of there as quickly as you would like J 

Sounds like a walk in the park compared to the surgeries/other tests I have had to had done. And want to know what he texted me when he was done? "What time does Taco Bell open" Only Dru!

So that’s how a trip to the semen analysis place works. Should I be offended if he didn’t want me to “help”???

Mom if you read this you don’t have to answer this question. Sorry for the TMI but I’m pretty sure that we all know where babies come from and sex is one of the important steps to the process…

The Great Christmas Tree Hunt of 2011

Christmas tree gathering was always a family tradition when I was younger. We would pack up the truck and go off and up into the mountain to cut down our Christmas tree. Mom would make turkey sandwiches from the Thanksgiving leftovers and we would have hot chocolate from a thermos with marshmellows. Yes my mom is pretty kick ass, I’m pretty sure that she would mail me some hot chocolate and a turkey sandwich if I asked her to. She is just THAT cool. There was even snow up there (this was exciting when you are a young kid living on the California coast where snow is not a natural occurrence). This tradition was something that our family did almost every winter, until the winter that we almost died and the Christmas tree cutting down adventure ceased to exist. I don’t remember all of the details, except that the roads were icy and I’m pretty sure that we were half on and half off the cliff…We all survived, but the tradition of getting a tree didn’t. Which is fine with me. I actually don’t LOVE being outside in the snow, which is ironic now that I live in MN and snow is usually a regular occurrence from about November until March (or April).

Anyways. Now that I am grown up (kind of sort of) Dru and I have our own Christmas traditions to start as a family. Now that we have our own house and are considered grown ups, we thought that we needed a Christmas tree. The very first Christmas in Minnesota, Dru went out and got the tree from the local supermarket parking lot. It was great! We decorated with what little Christmas decorations that we had (which wasn’t a lot) and celebrated in our cozy little home with Molly the kitty. The Christmas tree came down promptly after Christmas because I couldn’t stand it anymore and the holidays were fantastic.

Last year was a little bit different. We now had two kitties and much more decorations thanks to a very kind friend who gave me some of hers (she has a TON). Dru picked up the tree and it was beautiful. It was also pretty large. We got more lights than one person needs, and hung all of the ornaments with care. My mom was nice enough to mail me a lot of my ornaments (as well as some of my brothers J, Erik if you want them back you have to come and get them), and Christmas decorations. I felt festive and our house was decked out. As you know, I work from home. Which during the winter means it isn’t uncommon for me to not leave the house for a few days, especially when it is snowing or cold. I’m not a winter driving type of person. Well the tree had been up for 48 hours and I needed to leave the house for 20 mins (I had to tan, I can’t STAND being white). Anyways, I went to the tanning bed and came back 20 mins later to find this http://erinanddru.blogspot.com/2010/12/my-biggest-fear-came-true.html

This year I knew that we HAD to secure the tree to the ceiling from the beginning. This was a MUST. I also begged and pleaded for a fake tree. I didn’t win but we did go out to get the tree as a family + 1. Dru’s little sister Karissa was here and it was the perfect outing to do on Black Friday after some shopping. We all got in the truck to head out to the Christmas tree farm. I didn’t even know that such things existed, but they do. And it was only 2 miles from our house. How hard was this going to be? Surely I can pick out a tree. Little did I know that there would be rows and rows of trees to choose from. And not one of us could agree on the “perfect” tree. We walked up and down the lot looking for the tree. After choosing many many trees (none that had a tag on them and weren't actually for sale) an hour had passed. I'm pretty sure that Dru and Karissa wanted to kill me. 

We let Karissa hold the saw. It made her feel better. I'm pretty surprised she didn't use it on me :-)

After an hour we had finally agreed on a tree. Notice that there was NO snow on the ground, it was a great day and we got to cut it down. 

Notice how helpful Dru is being...Not! 

Okay, he actually was the one who succeeded in cutting it down, but it was fun to try!

It is now December 16th and I'm happy to say that the tree is still standing. Even though Stan and Molly have tried their hardest to take it down, it is secured to the ceiling. 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

It Has Been Too Long

Now that I work with a lot of the top bloggers on the internet I have become slightly embarrassed of this little blog that I started a while ago. But I realized that isn't what matters. Yes maybe I'll never be a kick ass writer like a lot of the ladies that I read on a daily basis, but that is okay. 

So without more ramblings than are necessary I thought that I would check in and write a little post about what has been happening in our casa over the past few months. Yes it's actually been a few months since I posted here. Crazy. 

When I take the time to put my picture of a turkey that I am cooking on the internet via Facebook, PLEASE tell me that the damn thing is upside down. Thanks!

Slightly disturbing eel from dinner at the RainForest Cafe at the Mall of America. 

I have NEVER seen a sign like this, but I must admit that it is a good idea for neighborhood's with lots of traffic. 

Those photos are from November. Dru's little sister came and visited us for the Thanksgiving holiday and we had so much fun! From eating and eating and eating some more, shopping on black friday at the mall of america, cutting down our christmas tree (which might deserve its very own post), going on a juicy lucy pub crawl, 40 oz challenges via Skype, napping, and did I already mention eating? It was a great time!

This is how Dru, Karissa and Austin celebrated Thanksgiving together. 40oz challenge via Skype. I stuck to my Mimosa in the background. Guess who won?

Keep on Keeping On

I figured it was about time I replace my sad pathetic post with something better. It’s been long enough. I’m not going to lie and say that I am in a great happy place, because I’m not, but we are working on getting there. It’s new doctors and new uncharted territory, so we’ll see where this puts us.

In other news, I’ve been working at my new job for almost 2 months and I couldn’t be happier. I have a smart, witty, down to earth boss who I actually enjoy working with. Our clients are awesome sweet ladies, who I find myself relating to and learning from. They are some kick ass bloggers that have stories and have lived through things I could never ever imagine. I count my blessings that I was able to find a position like this, doing what I love and interacting online.

Even though I am in a pretty dark place, I’m happy. I’m happy to have my loving husband who enjoys renting Bad Teacher on a Tuesday night while eating popcorn for dinner. Chips and Salsa with beer and wine are completely acceptable meals around these parts (we don’t have small mouths to feed, I can drink my dinner if I want to) and that makes me happy. I’m not gearing up for a sugar fest costume meltdown on Monday. In fact, I’m thinking about being scrooge mc scrooge and turning the lights off and going to the movies or something.

I’m learning to accept that you know what, I might not have kids. And if we do, it’s going to be a bitch to get there so I might as well be me while I still can. I’m willing to make sacrifices for what I want, as is Dru…but if things don’t end up working out in the long term, I’ll know that I have Captain Stan, Molly and Dru right by my side. 

Tears

Tears...streaming down my face and leaving me at a loss of what to do. I had thought that my body “had it” this time. That I was getting better and that I was fully capable of becoming a mommy. Lab Reports = not the same results. The lab results from my blood test came back as a huge slap in the face, you will never be a mother and we don’t know why type of result. So here I sit, feeling broken and sad for things that are completely out of my control. Wondering if I should blame this on the endometriosis or something else? Wondering what to do next…