Irrational Fears?

I’m terrified. Yes, I’ll admit it. As long as I have wanted to be a mother I’m now so incredibly scared that I am going to suck at it.

I’m sitting here sobbing; I think that it has just now hit me that this is real. In give or take 7 months I will have another human being solely dependent on ME. I will be responsible for loving, feeding, changing, and ensuring the safety of another person. I’ll admit it; I’m not really the mothering type. When Dru gets sick, I get bitchy. I am not nurse like in any way, shape or form. I want him to get better as soon as possible because I can’t stand him when he is sick (and not because I can’t not look at him in pain, but because it’s annoying to me).

Yes, I basically just admitted that my sick husband annoys me. And when he had his wisdom teeth out last year, I left for a business trip for the weekend…Less than 24 hours after his surgery. I did leave him with a swimsuit top that worked well to keep ice packs in place on his swollen face but that’s about it. I SUCK.

I’m hoping and praying that the mothering instinct just kicks in and that I will be the worlds best mommy and know how to nurture my child. My mom was pretty kick ass at it (and she still is) so hopefully it is just passed down to me or something. And if that fails, at least I know that Dru is pretty damn good at it (if only he had boobs to breastfeed). He always takes care of me, after the many surgeries that I have had since we’ve been married I know that he will take care of me and baby better than anyone. He’s already the world’s best kitty dad EVER! Even though these cute cuddly fat cats know that mom is pregnant and lay on my belly (and bladder) every chance that they get, they still love their dad more than ever.