Well I went back to the Dr. yesterday. Ya know, my friend, the Lady Dr. (who is really a man)....
I first had an ultrasound. Which was actually pretty cool. All my experiences with ultrasounds (which is only one other time, and it was in the ER, and she was kind of a wench) they are not able or supposed to tell you what you are looking at. They just probe around in there and silently take photo's. Which is creepy if you ask me.
Well I am proof, that not all ultrasound people are wench's. The guy who did mine was great. Nice, informative, and kind of funny. Funny is a good thing, when you don't feel good, and there is a probe in your whoha...Yes, TMI sorry, I have been really good at that lately. Well don't think that this post is going to get any better.
I was able to see my insides. Pretty cool if you ask me. I didn't really know what I was looking at, but he was great at explaining things to me. You could see my endo on my left ovary. Yes, actually see it. See, the thing is, you are not really supposed to see it (endo) on an ultrasound. Also your ovaries are supposed to be shaped like an almond, or as I said, a Lima bean....Well my left one is shaped somewhat like a mitten. A mitten that is used in the Wintertime. Which happen's to be my least favorite month.
The right side, was a more normal shape. But I do have scar tissue there too. Gezzzz, I am messed up inside. So after the ultrasound, and a small mental breakdown on my part.
I will be having another surgery. With someone that I trust. Someone that know's what he is doing. We will be hopefully figuring out what is going on with me, why I hurt *well I know "why" Now, but hopefully getting rid of some of the pain. This surgery is happening next Saturday. Saturday, you say, of next week? Yep. The day before my bday, 2 days after my mommy comes to visit. At least I know that the surgery is not too horrible. I am determined to be strong, and recover quickly. I have a lot going on in the next month, and I am going to do it all pain free.
Gosh, I am determined this morning. Hopefully that carries about through the rest of my day.
4/29/10
4/28/10
Going to the Lady Dr.
I have been to the Lady Dr. (well he is really a man) enough in the past few months, to make up for years and years. I know that most women hate the lady dr. and I am not saying that I enjoy it persay. But I am getting used to having a random person touch my lady parts.
Can you get used to something like that? Anywho, TMI for a Wednesday, just letting ya know that I am going BACK to the lady dr. today to hopefully try to figure something out. PS. If I seem a little loopy lately it is because I have been taking some extreme painkillers lately. Like head loopyness inducing painkillers. But want to know the weird part. I still am having pain, like weird little stabs of crampy pain in my front abdomen, and my back. Not so great. Looking forward to getting that figured out soon. And for the head loopyness to go away.
I realized that my blogging is boring me lately. Nothing exciting has been happening in my life. Nothing funny, just plain nothing. Well unless you count going to the lady dr.
I am so excited that we are having visitors here in the midwest this summer. People want to come visit us. How cool is that :)
My mom comes next week, like a week from tomorrow. Dru's brother might be coming in June. And then my brother and Kyla (my brothers gf, and an all around great person) are coming in August.
I am so excited to be able to show people the little town that we live in. I am excited to have visitors. And we can go to the lake, or go to happy hour, or just sit and grill in the backyard and drink cold beverages while catching up.
Spring is beautiful here. Pretty flowers and pretty trees, and my husband finally mowed our yard yesterday. Which took at least an hour. Lots and lots of grass.
Sorry for the boring blog. Back to my call and some work before the lady dr.
Can you get used to something like that? Anywho, TMI for a Wednesday, just letting ya know that I am going BACK to the lady dr. today to hopefully try to figure something out. PS. If I seem a little loopy lately it is because I have been taking some extreme painkillers lately. Like head loopyness inducing painkillers. But want to know the weird part. I still am having pain, like weird little stabs of crampy pain in my front abdomen, and my back. Not so great. Looking forward to getting that figured out soon. And for the head loopyness to go away.
I realized that my blogging is boring me lately. Nothing exciting has been happening in my life. Nothing funny, just plain nothing. Well unless you count going to the lady dr.
I am so excited that we are having visitors here in the midwest this summer. People want to come visit us. How cool is that :)
My mom comes next week, like a week from tomorrow. Dru's brother might be coming in June. And then my brother and Kyla (my brothers gf, and an all around great person) are coming in August.
I am so excited to be able to show people the little town that we live in. I am excited to have visitors. And we can go to the lake, or go to happy hour, or just sit and grill in the backyard and drink cold beverages while catching up.
Spring is beautiful here. Pretty flowers and pretty trees, and my husband finally mowed our yard yesterday. Which took at least an hour. Lots and lots of grass.
Sorry for the boring blog. Back to my call and some work before the lady dr.
4/27/10
Living Alone
Up until last night, I was a bachelorette for 5 days. I experienced living alone without Dru for a while. It was a strange experience.
I realized that I have always lived with someone else. I have been sharing since I can remember. Now don't get me wrong, I love my husband, and living with him is great. But sometimes it is nice to not have to worry about anyone else. I could eat what I wanted, when I wanted. I could go to bed and watch tv without bothering someone else. I could come and go without answering questions.
I could work from bed, when I was not feeling well. I have not been feeling well since last week. The pain has returned with a plan of its own. Has caused me to be at its mercy. I don't like it one bit. But I did like working from my bed. And now there is a body in my bed, and I am in the living room.
It is almost May. We have been living here for almost 1 year now. It seem's so strange to me. I have been working in the "real" world for a year now. I love my job. I can't even imagine doing something else for a living. I love the different things that I get to do. I love the flexability, I love working on different projects for different clients on a regular basis. I would go insane doing the same thing everyday.
So today I am grateful. Grateful that my hubby is home (even though I was getting good at being a bachelorette), Grateful for a great job, Grateful for owning a home, and Grateful that the sun is shining and I don't have to think about snow for at least 6 months.
And last but not least, my mommy is coming next week. YAY!!!
I realized that I have always lived with someone else. I have been sharing since I can remember. Now don't get me wrong, I love my husband, and living with him is great. But sometimes it is nice to not have to worry about anyone else. I could eat what I wanted, when I wanted. I could go to bed and watch tv without bothering someone else. I could come and go without answering questions.
I could work from bed, when I was not feeling well. I have not been feeling well since last week. The pain has returned with a plan of its own. Has caused me to be at its mercy. I don't like it one bit. But I did like working from my bed. And now there is a body in my bed, and I am in the living room.
It is almost May. We have been living here for almost 1 year now. It seem's so strange to me. I have been working in the "real" world for a year now. I love my job. I can't even imagine doing something else for a living. I love the different things that I get to do. I love the flexability, I love working on different projects for different clients on a regular basis. I would go insane doing the same thing everyday.
So today I am grateful. Grateful that my hubby is home (even though I was getting good at being a bachelorette), Grateful for a great job, Grateful for owning a home, and Grateful that the sun is shining and I don't have to think about snow for at least 6 months.
And last but not least, my mommy is coming next week. YAY!!!
4/24/10
NewSkin
I went to Vegas for less than 24 hours, and I am home. I didn't win any great money. I went to a conference. I traveled. I flew first class, with a coach ticket. I went, I saw a great friend I had sushi and now I am back in the Midwest.
I can say that the highlight of my trip was seeing my friend Kristen. I did not realize that not seeing a best friend for a lot of months had made me that warped, until I had saw a friend. Friends like her, are one's that you meet in college, yet wish that you had known since you were born. Things are the same. Things have not changed since you were last together. That is friendship, and I am so happy I have a friend like her.
Yet, she is thin. I am jealous that she is thin (and looks great). I am pretty sure that I am A LOT larger than her. I should have brought all my cute jeans that don't fit me anymore, and they probably would have been big on her. She looks great. Jealousy is the best flattery. Kristen you look great, and will be happy no matter what/where you are. Or what you are doing. You are an awesome person, and I am happy to call you my friend. You are always welcome to share a hotel room with me, or play stupid *texas tina* slot machines, eat sushi, come to the midwest, or just be a friend. Because I adore you. I am happy to call you "friend down the hall" for life.
Now to the title of my post. Nuskin...
Have you ever used it? have you put it on your wounds, and let it heal? Well I have. It reminds me of my grandpa. It burns, yet feels so good and heals. It fixes the millions of blister's that you get when you buy new shoes for a conference in Vegas. It makes your tired feet, that are broken, fixed. It will always remind me of my grandpa, yet I am glad of that.
Now you may wonder why it reminds me of grandpa. Isn't that strange? Yes, it is. but there is a story. A story of a little girl. Who's grandpa loved her lots and lots. (it is a "loved" because he is no longer with us, but a story for a different day). Grandpa was a tough love type of guy. A be strong, not a crier. I love yet resent him for that. It made me stronger for sure.
That is the NewSkin story. This stuff (NewSkin) stings like a bitch. Hurts when you put it on raw skin. Smells like shit. But he swore by it. Fixed ya right up. Bandaids were for babies. NewSkin, was a bandaid, that instantly worked. So I put it on my sore, blistered feet today. Made me miss him, lots. Hoping it heals my feet. Made me think back, miss him yet made me think of other things in my life that I wish I had NewSkin for.
I hurt. I hurt really bad again. I feel broken. Like my insides are fighting with my body. I was so in pain today I could hardly walk. I am still in pain, as I go to bed. I want NewSkin for my endometriosis. I want a fix to all this shit that sucks. I want to feel better. I want to be pain free. I want to be worry free. I want to not hurt.
It is not that easy. I don't want an easy fix per-say. I want a fix, does not have to be easy. I am strong. I can handle the sting when you "apply" but I want it gone. I want to know that whatever my next step is, that it will work. So that is what I go to bed thinking. I hope to wake up and feel better. I need to sleep, I need to feel better.
I know I am not the only one with endometriosis, I know that I am not the only one that hurts. But I know that is sucks, and I need some NewSkin for it.
I can say that the highlight of my trip was seeing my friend Kristen. I did not realize that not seeing a best friend for a lot of months had made me that warped, until I had saw a friend. Friends like her, are one's that you meet in college, yet wish that you had known since you were born. Things are the same. Things have not changed since you were last together. That is friendship, and I am so happy I have a friend like her.
Yet, she is thin. I am jealous that she is thin (and looks great). I am pretty sure that I am A LOT larger than her. I should have brought all my cute jeans that don't fit me anymore, and they probably would have been big on her. She looks great. Jealousy is the best flattery. Kristen you look great, and will be happy no matter what/where you are. Or what you are doing. You are an awesome person, and I am happy to call you my friend. You are always welcome to share a hotel room with me, or play stupid *texas tina* slot machines, eat sushi, come to the midwest, or just be a friend. Because I adore you. I am happy to call you "friend down the hall" for life.
Now to the title of my post. Nuskin...
Have you ever used it? have you put it on your wounds, and let it heal? Well I have. It reminds me of my grandpa. It burns, yet feels so good and heals. It fixes the millions of blister's that you get when you buy new shoes for a conference in Vegas. It makes your tired feet, that are broken, fixed. It will always remind me of my grandpa, yet I am glad of that.
Now you may wonder why it reminds me of grandpa. Isn't that strange? Yes, it is. but there is a story. A story of a little girl. Who's grandpa loved her lots and lots. (it is a "loved" because he is no longer with us, but a story for a different day). Grandpa was a tough love type of guy. A be strong, not a crier. I love yet resent him for that. It made me stronger for sure.
That is the NewSkin story. This stuff (NewSkin) stings like a bitch. Hurts when you put it on raw skin. Smells like shit. But he swore by it. Fixed ya right up. Bandaids were for babies. NewSkin, was a bandaid, that instantly worked. So I put it on my sore, blistered feet today. Made me miss him, lots. Hoping it heals my feet. Made me think back, miss him yet made me think of other things in my life that I wish I had NewSkin for.
I hurt. I hurt really bad again. I feel broken. Like my insides are fighting with my body. I was so in pain today I could hardly walk. I am still in pain, as I go to bed. I want NewSkin for my endometriosis. I want a fix to all this shit that sucks. I want to feel better. I want to be pain free. I want to be worry free. I want to not hurt.
It is not that easy. I don't want an easy fix per-say. I want a fix, does not have to be easy. I am strong. I can handle the sting when you "apply" but I want it gone. I want to know that whatever my next step is, that it will work. So that is what I go to bed thinking. I hope to wake up and feel better. I need to sleep, I need to feel better.
I know I am not the only one with endometriosis, I know that I am not the only one that hurts. But I know that is sucks, and I need some NewSkin for it.
4/21/10
Feelings
Blogging about feelings seems like such a crock of shit. Does not everyone have feelings? Don't most people want to scream them loud, hide them away, and do anything other than express them?
I am expressing my feelings. Be forewarned. This is Erin uncensored. I don't give an F about anything right now. Just me and my feelings.
I feel like shit inside. I feel that something it wrapping itself around my lady parts on the side and twisting them to the point that I can't take it anymore. It feels like I am being stabbed over and over. And raidiates throughout the lower part of my body. This has not stopped since Sunday.
I'm pissed. This was not supposed to happen this way. It was supposed to be gone after that last surgery. and it is not. It is back with a mission in mind to kill my spirit.
I am alone. Alone in the retrospect that it is just me and the cats until monday. It feels weird. Yet somewhat relaxing. I like to have my own space sometimes. Space, can be so confining, or freeing or whatever you let it be. But I don't think that I am a woman who does well with freeness for an unlimited amount of time.
I have a lot of thoughts about Dru being home without me. I think that I might have had the wrong answer when he asked if I was to have the chance to go home.........
As it is. My BFF Kristen, is meeting me in Vegas tomorrow for the night. She is driving back to her home town. Vegas is half way, I have a work conference and it worked out good. Really good. I could not be more excited to catch up with her. It has been since sept that we saw eachother last. Way too long.
Well I mentioned to Dru that I wanted to ride home to Dville with her. It would be fun to spend a weekend in CA. this was just speculation, not actually going to happen. I have to be back here for things Saturday anyway. But Dru got mad I wouldn't want to go home.
Home. What is that word? Home for me is here in small town minnesota. There is no family whatsoever but there is our home. The house we own, us, our family (kitties, and eachother) this is home for me for now and ever. I don't think of us anywhere else.
Family means a lot to me. And family is always invited to visit us here "at home" but for now, I don't want to go back to there.
Sorry for the rambling. I just feel like youngin's like us get influenced a lot by our parents into what we should think of as home. and I wanted to put mine out there. It is not disrespectful to anyone in anyways but this is me. Small town happy minnesota me.
Welcome to my world.
I am expressing my feelings. Be forewarned. This is Erin uncensored. I don't give an F about anything right now. Just me and my feelings.
I feel like shit inside. I feel that something it wrapping itself around my lady parts on the side and twisting them to the point that I can't take it anymore. It feels like I am being stabbed over and over. And raidiates throughout the lower part of my body. This has not stopped since Sunday.
I'm pissed. This was not supposed to happen this way. It was supposed to be gone after that last surgery. and it is not. It is back with a mission in mind to kill my spirit.
I am alone. Alone in the retrospect that it is just me and the cats until monday. It feels weird. Yet somewhat relaxing. I like to have my own space sometimes. Space, can be so confining, or freeing or whatever you let it be. But I don't think that I am a woman who does well with freeness for an unlimited amount of time.
I have a lot of thoughts about Dru being home without me. I think that I might have had the wrong answer when he asked if I was to have the chance to go home.........
As it is. My BFF Kristen, is meeting me in Vegas tomorrow for the night. She is driving back to her home town. Vegas is half way, I have a work conference and it worked out good. Really good. I could not be more excited to catch up with her. It has been since sept that we saw eachother last. Way too long.
Well I mentioned to Dru that I wanted to ride home to Dville with her. It would be fun to spend a weekend in CA. this was just speculation, not actually going to happen. I have to be back here for things Saturday anyway. But Dru got mad I wouldn't want to go home.
Home. What is that word? Home for me is here in small town minnesota. There is no family whatsoever but there is our home. The house we own, us, our family (kitties, and eachother) this is home for me for now and ever. I don't think of us anywhere else.
Family means a lot to me. And family is always invited to visit us here "at home" but for now, I don't want to go back to there.
Sorry for the rambling. I just feel like youngin's like us get influenced a lot by our parents into what we should think of as home. and I wanted to put mine out there. It is not disrespectful to anyone in anyways but this is me. Small town happy minnesota me.
Welcome to my world.
Wednesday at Nordstrom Rack....
Today I must take the hubby to the airport for his adventures home. I have a haunting feeling that this is going to involve rush hour traffic, since he likes to get to the airport good and early. Ya know, just incase...
Well this is good for me. You see, the mall of America is located VERY close to the Minneapolis airport. Close enough on a wednesday night, that I might not have to drive around for 20mins looking for a parking spot, and will be able to go to Nordstrom rack, get those shoes that I want, and not stand in line for hours and hours.
The mall of america is HUGE. so huge in fact that everyone and their mom decides to go there on weekends. Which I will not be doing again. I don't really like to stand in lines. It is that factor that I feel I have WAY more things to be doing than wasting my time in a line.
So wednesday night at the mall of america, I have a date. With some shoes, and probably some sushi. Just because I am not 100% positive that I will get my sushi tomorrow night in vegas, so I should get some tonight too....
I love sushi, have I mentioned that before? Minnesota is not the place to love sushi.
Well this is good for me. You see, the mall of America is located VERY close to the Minneapolis airport. Close enough on a wednesday night, that I might not have to drive around for 20mins looking for a parking spot, and will be able to go to Nordstrom rack, get those shoes that I want, and not stand in line for hours and hours.
The mall of america is HUGE. so huge in fact that everyone and their mom decides to go there on weekends. Which I will not be doing again. I don't really like to stand in lines. It is that factor that I feel I have WAY more things to be doing than wasting my time in a line.
So wednesday night at the mall of america, I have a date. With some shoes, and probably some sushi. Just because I am not 100% positive that I will get my sushi tomorrow night in vegas, so I should get some tonight too....
I love sushi, have I mentioned that before? Minnesota is not the place to love sushi.
4/20/10
For you Mom...
Mother, Here ya Go.....My hair. You can see the blonde now. I don't have makeup on so I blurred out my face. Tricky I am don't ya think?
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